Its impossible to have a relationship with an addict who is using.
The deeper the addict falls within his addiction the more self-absored they will become. There will be room for no one else. The drug will become the most important thing in their lives.
Using addicts are untrustworthy even though they may proclaim to love you. Here’s why: They will justify their actions by using a theory of “personal exceptionalism”. This theory works like this:
Under ordinary circumstances most people would find these behaviors unacceptable;
But these are not ordinary circumstances; and I am not an ordinary person;
Therefore I can commit these acts with impunity- not being punished. ” And I need to get my drug!”
When I was 6 months into recovery, my boyfriend, the guy with whom I first used crack, the only person with whom I smoked crack, was released from a 5 month stint at Hazelden. (His 5th time in inpatient drug treatment.)
He convinced the administrators at Hazelden to allow him to do his halfway house portion of his court mandated sentence at his mothers mansion which sat on five acres of land in the wealthy community of Bellevue Washington.
He lasted 9 days.
His mother kicked him out and he came to live with me.
He stole from and lied to me. He stole the money I needed to pay ($40) to see my children for my supervised visits.
Ultimately he stole a full length Christian Dior cashmere coat, my computer, and the bumper from my BMW. All of which he sold or traded for crack.
It took me years to get over him, mostly because I thought if I loved him enough he would stop using. I know now it’s impossible to love an addict while they are using. I was lucky- I did not relapse in the time he was living in my apartment. Thank God.
The Addict Writes