The Wolftamer and the Trip I Kept Secret

My Dear Friends and Readers,

Last August under hypnosis, I dreamt about my own death and  confirmed that a man that I know is my soul mate. This was an unexpected experience, but a client had paid my way to a book marketing seminar which happened to be on a cruise ship to Alaska. On the first night of the cruise, my client and I learned that a famous psychiatrist named  Brian Weiss was also on the cruise and presenting  through out the week. My client graciously bought tickets for his lecture series.

To digress, Brian Weiss is a Yale educated  American  trained psychiatrist, hypnotherapist and author who specializes in past life regression. His research includes reincarnation. 

It would take the entire blog to tell you about his belief  which I will describe as how it occurs to me: we humans have lived many lives and we in this current life may be making karmic repayments in our current lives. If we believe the former premises to be true, then we will live more lives and our current lives will effect our future lives. Lastly, if we make amends in our current lives for our past transgressions, then our current and future lives improve. Ok, so this is very out of the box thinking. However, Weiss has used hypnosis and past life regression to heal physical manifestations of mental illnesses.

Suspending disbelief and a rational explanation of how this works or could work is cutting edge psychiatry using the neurochemical of how the brain works and processes memory and trauma.

For a better understanding of past life regression and brain chemistry, Dr. Weiss’s first book is entitled Many Lives, Many Masters. Dr. Bessel VanDerKolk’s book,  The Body Keeps Score explains the mind body connection in an easy to understand way.

So, back to the Wolf Tamer which was who I was in one of my past lives- hypothetically.
During my 40 minute plus session of  regression hypnotherapy, I “dreamt” that I  was a Native American who lived in the South western part of America hundreds of years ago. Here’s the essential  elements of the dream and how it changed my life:

From early childhood the Wolf Tamer seemed to be able to play with wolves and them with her. In the culture in which the Wolf Tamer lived girls were given a new name when they started their menstrual cycle. So Wolf Tamer who had been an as a child an admired member of her tribe because of her fearlessness around wolves became an envied woman in her tribe. Malicious tales were spread saying that the Wolf Tamer’s prowess with wolves came about from mating with male wolves. No one in the tribe believed that the Wolf Tamer actually mated with wolves, but it became a mean way for the envious to diminish her gift because they were envious. However the Wolf Tamer was deeply hurt by these words and left her village one moonlight night. She would remain by herself for six years in which she would try to understand her ability to make the wolves obey her and lose their natural aggression. In the meantime a large wolf pack began to follow her.

One morning for no apparent reason the Wolf Tamer awoke ready to own herself as “one who tames wolves”.  With first light, the Wolf Tamer began the journey back to her village. When she arrived the following morning early cooking fires were just beginning to engage the wood.  As she entered her village she was mysteriously joined by three wolves who had stealthily followed her. Although she had come unannounced, each tee pee opened to observe her passage as three wolves followed behind her. She did not have to say anything; nor did anyone need to say anything to her. She had unquestionably become The Wolf Tamer.

At the end of the dream The Wolf Tamer had grown very old after years of leading her tribe. Besides Chief she had become a Shaman or healer as well. The Wolf Tamer began her long trek back to the woods where she prepared herself for death. She planned to die alone surrounded by wolves. She had left the village in deep winter when snow had began to fall. She lay upon a bed of pine needles beneath a tall spruce. The wolves cried and the Wolf Tamer closed her eyes and welcomed death. But before she  died a tall dark man lifted her and began to carry her back to the village.

When the tall man reached the village he brought the nearly dead Wolf Tamer to a tee pee lined with soft skins where he laid her in front of  a warm crackling fire.
Inside the tee pee two older gentlemen await the Wolf Tamer.

My interpretation of the dream was that I would not die alone. The tall thin man, where in the dream I only saw his legs, were those of a man with whom I had ended a relationship with 2 years prior. The elderly men were my children who had reconciled with me before I died. And I was the Wolf Tamer who was now ready to take on my true role in life.

As a result of the work with Brian Weiss, I re-united a month later with the man who I left. I have reached out to my children, but we are not reconciled, but I hold out great hope and I am finally realizing my life work as writer, author, speaker and healer of the broken hearted.

It was a great trip. Thank you, Grace, my dear client.

Signed,

Brianna S Clark
The Addict Writes

The Worst Decision I Ever Made

My Dear Friends and Readers,

I will always remember the circle of faces of women in substance abuse recovery consisting of all ages, mostly African-American with a sprinkling of white faces. Regardless of age or race the common denominator  shared by all was the hope emanating from beneath resignation and anger.

I stood in front of the group and introduced myself… “Writer, Lawyer, former television news journalist and former crack cocaine addict”. Then I joined the circle and began to tell them my story of addiction. It was not so much a “how to” but here’s what to expect.

I told the women at Penn North Recovery Center that the time right after  their release from inpatient treatment would be  the most difficult.  There would be relationships that they would have to heal; trust they would have to regain and a life  where they would be people and places to avoid. They would have to earn an honest living because their former work and  lifestyles had brought them to Penn Recovery.

I shared with them that although I was a licensed attorney  for a year after release from inpatient treatment that I had worked at a clothing store earning $8 an hour. This was my way of saying if you once sold drugs or sold your body, yes you will miss the money, but honest work is a path to another way of life, perhaps one that it maybe impossible to image in the present moment.

Many of the women had been imprisoned, including one woman who had “caught a murder charge” at 14. Most had been beaten by drunk or high parents. Many had been sexually abused by fathers and step-fathers, uncles and boyfriends of mothers who would choose to believe these men instead of their daughters. These were tales of  pain and betrayal exacerbated by  their mother’s disbelief, the hurt still palpable in the anguished angry voices with which they shared their stories with me.

Yes, we were victims, but we didn’t have to remain at effect of  our victimization.  The hard truth is that the effects of  that victimization might remain with us for years. For victims of trauma, especially early childhood trauma, healing could be defined as a minimalization of the effect of trauma.It is not a rosey picture, but I reminded them that their futures were being created in the present.

As we approached the end of the hour that they  were required to attend as part of their jail sentences,  one woman asked why  I   had never regained custody of my children. My first answer was that I had a powerful white husband who did everything to prevent my reconciliation with my children. But that wasn’t why. The sad truth was that I had chosen to remain in a relationship with the man who had gotten me addicted. It was one of the worst choices I have ever made- even more ill fated than taking that first hit of crack. It was the choice of a woman who was still not well even though I was drug free. Because here’s the conundrum of addiction: many of us believe that the problem is the addiction. It is not. Addiction is the symptom of the pain that we will do almost anything to allievate.

I gave each of the women who desired a hug-which was most of them and whispered my thanks for their listening. It was an experience of love and I hope my words might make a positive difference in their recovery.

Signed,

Brianna S Clark
The Addict Writes