My Dear Fellow Journeyers,
This photo represents my feelings towards mankind today. Today I hate everyone. I don’t feel good about hating everybody, but I do. It takes effort to be polite on days like this. I also wonder if my “hate” for people makes me a bad person, and what should I do about this?
From my cursory review of psychology journals here’s what I learned. Those people haters like myself-not always- but enough of the time- have high expectations of others. According to my reading if you are dissapointed enough times by a single person or by people in general one begins to form a “schema” or mental representation that others do not meet their standards. This view is not conscious. We are not aware that we have standards and that others are not meeting them, but we are aware that something isn’t right. That’s how I felt today.
I am aware of the symptoms. I know them well. I am standoffish because I am evaluating you to see if you are in fact worthy to me my friend. I have few friends. I find other people who hate people and nurture those friendships and we people haters find other people haters and mate for life with them.
However, I will say this about myself and I understand these traits are typical for other people haters as well. Apparently we listen well. We remember what other people like and we do it for them. My few friends would do anything for me and me for them. They have managed to pass my “hate” test.
I know on an emotional level that most human beings can’t help their limitations. I know that when people can’t see what they are doing is wrong, they lack empathy and self-awareness. I get it that these folks “just don’t get it.” I know I should not get angry at people who litter- who throw food and trash out of their cars unto the streets- yet I am pissed off and I hate them.
I know my hatred of people who do things that I despise is because at some level I am immature and that those people have failed to develop responsibility. This doesn’t help, when the chicken bones fly out of the car window. I know that I need to manage my anger in these situations, and usually I do so externally, but internally I am seething and name calling.
My therapist says I should learn to “gradually learn how to bring out the best in people” at least the ones that I have more than just a one time contact with. I know that I can narrowly focus on the bad in people. The reality is that all people are some mix of the good, bad and the weird- just like I am.
What bothers me the most about my “hate” for people is my own anger. I have learned that anger has a tendency to generalize itself. I hate that aspect of anger. I wish I could be angry only at specific things or people at specific times, but when I’m angry I hate everybody and everything. I know I need to work on this aspect of my anger. It’s been hard. I’ve observed my wide swath of anger ever since I was 11. I knew then as I know now that I cannot blast the world for something someone unknowingly or knowingly did to anger or better yet to disapoint me.
I know my all or nothing attitude towards people limits the number of people with whom I engage. I am working on it. I am a deeply flawed person, yet I have difficulty accepting the deep flaws of those I encounter. Many people have not had the time to develop the kind of genuine moral awareness that I have. This is not because I am so much better for having created this moral awareness- it takes time and not everyone has the time for mediation and expensive classes that lead to self-awareness. Some folks are out there trying to survive at the most basic levels.
Here’s the ugly reality. When I have such widespread general anger or disappointment which I call “hate” I am not looking down on people, I have actually made them far too important. I have put those people on a pedestal for them to have such an effect on me.
Misanthropy is a clear sign of frustration and feeling that your needs have not been met. Part of the solution is taking better care of myself and not making my needs other people’s responsibility. In addition, I am told to lower my expectations of people. My rule is “Unless you do what I want, then you’re awful.” But I have learned that its not worth the disappointment of needing anything from the wrong people. This is what sets my hate cycle – expecting something from the wrong person.
Here’s the last part that is the hardest for me to swallow: Hatred could be seen as a form of unnecessary emotional dependency. I must find a way to get to “I can be happy in spite of the way some people are. I don’t have to take on all the problems of the world. I am not responsible for the bad behavior of corporations or individuals or governments, nor am I responsible for their actions.
In a world of 7 billion, I can find some interesting, kind and evolved people. Needing a relationship with someone who rarely meets one’s expectations is a sign of being too involved.
I am not committed to hate. To hate others is to signify that I have a harsh relationship with myself. I know that I can never learn to love myself if I insist in hating everybody else. The problem with hating everybody means hating myself. And as I’m mentioned before hating others is a false means of creating superiority. In the end hatred is a waste of time and energy. The last thing this world needs is another hater.
With love and light,
Brianna S. Clark
Your Fellow Journeyer