Only Love Can Break Your Heart

My Dear Friends,

I  want to thank you for reading  this blog. I hope that if I make the tiniest difference for the betterment of you in anyway, then I have done what I was put here on this earth to do, which is teach and touch through words.
Tonight I started thinking about the negative beliefs I hold about myself-the ones that I work so hard to overcome. I know the source of all that makes me a walking contradiction. Nevertheless, I wanted to check in with you tonight. It’s been a little over a month since my Father died.  I realized tonight that if I had not loved him as much as I had, I could have never hated him so much and  would have never been so impacted by his betrayal. Five weeks later I am unpeeling the layers under which I have physically and mentally hidden. I am proud of myself. I am meeting my goals spiritually, physically, economically, financially and artistically.  I am in love and in love with my life.
Tonight I wanted to talk to you about narcissism because it like so many other conditions and illnesses of the mind, are so misunderstood. I wanted to tell you about a family  member who was so wounded as a child that she got locked in her eight year old self. I love her with all of my heart. She has been with me every step of the way-including coming to find me when I couldn’t find myself. With all of this said this family member is a gentle narcissist.
The extreme narcissist is frozen in childhood. She or he has become emotionally stuck at the time of their major trauma of separation/attachment. Their emotional age and maturity corresponds to the age they experienced their major trauma. This trauma was devastating to the point it almost killed that person emotionally. The pain never was totally gone and the “bleeding” was continuous. In order to survive, this child had to construct a protective barrier that insulates him/her from the external world of people. He generalized that all people are harmful and cannot be trusted. The protective insulation barrier he constructed is called a false persona. He created a false identity. This identity is not the true person inside. These hurt people become masters of covering and hiding, even to themselves. They have taught themselves to stuff and disconnect  from their own feelings for years. Because of this, they tend to live inside their heads, in the realm of so called reason. They are likely to live in the world of rational principles, laws, rules, which are all linear. This domain is a realm where they feel they can control. It is devoid of feelings. The realm of the heart or feelings is very intimidating and unsafe to them because it is non-linear and there is very little control of the outcomes. 
There are many things that I could write  about narcissism but I think I’ve given you too many medical blogs to date. What I want to say is that it is takes all that you have to love someone who has been seriously emotionally hurt. Their very illnesses make it difficult if not impossible for them to understand that their reaction to an event was disproportionate to the event. When you love someone who has been emotionally scarred the scars will at times manifest themselves in very ugly ways. What there is to do is to keep loving. Keep yourself safe and keep loving. Keep praying. Support the smallest action in a better direction. Never give up hope.   Keep trying you can find the sun.


The Addict Writes

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