A Lesson on Crack

Dear Readers, There is such stigma and misinformation about crack. Crack is cocaine. Cocaine is a naturally derived substance from the cacao leaf. It can be chewed or snorted- inhaled through the nose. Crack is cocaine that is heated with water and baking soda. This process eliminates the hydrochloride, which is salt. The only chemical difference between crack and cocaine is salt. Ah, but this is the key factor, removal

Its the Intense Sexual Pleasure that keeps you Hooked.

Dear Readers, Sex on crack is intense and it is one of the reasons the drug is hard to quit and why many relapse.  Crack on the brain makes you feel beautiful and powerful and smart and sexy. Suddenly you and everyone around you seems so charming and enticing everything seems so bright. Take another puff and you are a sex goddess who can have uninhibited  sex for hours- as

Embracing the Ugly in You.

Dear Readers, I dont know where Im running to or why or from what, but I have a need to move fast and efficiently. The need for speed and to beat an imaginary stop watch is the overarching need in my life. For example, each work day the alarm is set for 6:13am. My walking commute to the train is 7 minutes. The train departs from Baltimore Maryland Penn Station

Its Impossible to Love A Using Addict

Dear Readers, Its impossible to have a relationship with an addict who is using. The deeper the addict falls within his addiction the more self-absored they will become. There will be room for no one else. The drug will become the most important thing in their lives. Using addicts are untrustworthy even though they may proclaim to love you. Here’s why: They will justify their actions by using a theory

Take Care of Your Body it Houses your Soul.

Dear Readers, I am ill today. I have some horribly bad cross between having allergies and the flu. I am appropriately caring for myself. Today’s only message is that self care, is our number one priority. My body, your body carries your soul. As we prepare for the last official weekend of summer- the Labor Day Weekend, ask yourself “How am I caring for myself?” Are there medical, dental or

FEAR Who’s Running Your Show?

Dear Readers, I live with unidentified fear. Chaos was the   legacy of my childhood.  I am hyper-vigilant looking for what bad may come and how to protect myself. For those of unfamiliar with the term “hyper-vigilance” it works like this: Our father(or your father) at 2:30 in the morning pushes open our bedroom door. You know he’s coming because you have heard him arguing with your mother downstairs in

Self- Blame Shame and Forgiveness

Dear Readers, Often times drug addiction is correlated to early childhood trauma. The same way the brain remembers the unexpectedly good, it remembers the unexpectedly bad. When something bad happens to us as a child we do not have the mental capacity to reconcile why what happened to us happened. As children we see ourselves as all powerful- so we must blame ourselves for what someone did to us. And

An Attempted Suicide and A Happy Birthday

Dear Readers, I’m glad to be alive today, it’s my birthday today! Twenty years ago at the height or the bottom of my crack cocaine addiction, I took 3x the amount of a prescription drug called Depakote- it’s for seizures- so that I could go to sleep. Before I swallowed the pills with cheap white wine, I said to myself, “This could kill me.’ And I swallowed the pills. I

We Turn Our Eyes Away –Stigma and Shame

Dear Readers, I was one of the stars in my law class- the class of 1996. I was glamorous, lived in a beautiful condo, drove an old BMW and had in tow my very cute male children who were toddlers at the time. People wanted to hang with me, study with me- pretty and popular. When word got around that I was recovering from a crack addiction, even men who

Too Much For Saturday

Dear Readers, Over the next seven days I am going to break down how addiction works in the brain and results in affects in the body.  I have always wanted to know how addiction works in the body, so I did a little reading and found an article which even I could understand. The information used in the “neurogym” article comes from a Harvard Study which began in 1938 and