Almost one-third of women between ages 40 and 69 are dating younger men (defined as 10 or more years younger). According to a recent AARP poll, one-sixth of women in their 50s, in fact, prefer men in their 40s.
The other day when writing about the slang terms used in our culture today I was at a loss to find the slang term for men who like older women. There are two. The first is the word “poacher” which I don’t particularly like. The urban dictionary defines a poacher as: a younger male who is deliberately on the hunt for a cougar. The term can also be used as an insult for a young man who seeks out a relationship with an older woman (cougar) to fill a motherly void.
While this definition is denigrates the reason why a younger man might seek an older woman, there is evidence that shows there is more than psychological imbalance that has younger men seeking older women. According to psychologist, Sam Owen, the reason for this interest in older women from younger guys probably has a lot to do with how society is changing. Owen says “[It’s] likely indicative of the change in gender roles in modern society towards more equality between the sexes,” “Young men nowadays probably also recognize that older women are adept at diligently juggling so many responsibilities (career, children, housekeeping, fitness, finances, socializing), which makes them intriguing and attractive and a more secure option.”
However, contrary to what these younger lads may be craving, the study showed that women prefer to be the younger of the two in the relationship, with women 50 and over hoping to ideally find someone six years older than themselves. Younger women, too, prefer men older by up to 10 years, and while women will go younger, it’s by no more than three years, because honestly, dudes aren’t so great with the whole maturity thing. However all kidding aside in a study conducted by The “Today” show they found the bottom line was “The men to whom we talked spoke about the advantages of being in relationships with older women in terms of the serenity and comfort, the growth opportunity and the honesty they were afforded. But more than any other advantage, they talked about the positive sexual relationships they experienced. They all
commented that sex with older women was better.”
It’s not what you think — the stamina or “re-boot” ability of the younger male. The women like the flexibility and sense of adventure of their more spontaneous, younger companions, Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., a licensed family therapist in practice in Long Beach, Calif., and author of “The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again”, tells WebMD.” For their part, the men like the sophistication and life success of their older mates, she explains. The much touted idea that women peak sexually in their 30s and men in their teens does not enter into it — most of these couples are beyond both those age periods.”
But evolving gender roles in modern society have led to more equality between the sexes. Sam Owen who is ElitesSingles Partner psychologist, “The dating website analyzed the upper and lower age search limits for more than 450,000 of its members to reveal the age of a man and a woman’s perfect partner. The survey found men aged 20 to 29 prefer older women to younger ones, and women preferred a younger man as they age, according to YourTango
. This contradicts the stereotype that all men are focused on finding a youthful partner, as these singles indicate a preference for a partner three to six years older than themselves.
Jennifer Bidwell, a dating and relationships coach in Washington, D.C. says “Sadly, skanky going-out behavior seems to be the norm amongst many young single women these days,” Bidwell explains. “It may be alluring on a purely ‘I’d like to sleep with her’ level, but no man I’ve ever met wants to enter into a serious relationship with a woman who struts into the bar with her boobs falling out of her dress, gets sloppily drunk, or seductively dances on tables at a club.” It’s OK to have a regrettable ladies’ night out when you’re with your girlfriends, but if you’re looking for a real relationship, keep your nightlife behavior strictly above-board, Bidwell advises: “When you’re out and looking to attract a man, make like an older woman and sip on a classic cocktail — like a dirty martini or a Manhattan — and dress to look pretty, not be provocative.”
“Experience used to disqualify women from being respectable sexual partners; but now, that same experience has value — and it’s part of what many men are looking for,” says Dr. Pepper Schwartz
, author ofPrime: Adventures and Advice on Sex, Love, and the Sensual Years
Oh the other term for men who prefer older women is the term “salmon” meaning men who swim up stream. So, it’s not just “poachers” the evidence is in older women rock.
The Addict Writes