Current events have triggered past emotional traumas and my responses have me running back to therapy.Whenever I feel abandoned and betrayed I strike out. Not physically, but verbally.
The intensity of my anger combined with my verbal acquity is my version of slice and dice.
People tell me to let it go. I wish I could “let it go.” I do not know how to do this. If someone could show me or tell me what to do I would do it right away.
No one has taught me how to do that.
Counselors, therapists help me identify what pushes my buttons. What actions and words could I not do or say? More importantly how do I prevent the rage inside of me from penting up and spewing out like red hot molten lava.
How do I stop the tirade of words from shooting from my mouth like carefully aimed arrows?I don’t know.
Beneath my levity the darkness of my spirit is evident. I spent today managing either great sorrow and worthless and a sense of failure so profound that I wanted to simply give up. Quit.
Not today, but not so far in the past I thought it might just be easier to give up than to live.
But I cannot let the Demons win, for my soul- your soul is pure and light and love.
So I live another day to try to make sense out of things that will never make sense on the dawn of another new day.
The Addict Writes