My Dear Friends and Readers,
Today our blog is a one year old. During the past year the blog had 10,000,61 views. Thank you all, my loyal readers and friends.
During this year, I have grown in all aspects of my life. This blog began on my return from a trip to Paris last year. After that trip I had gained 3 pounds, had over-drafted my bank account and couldn’t afford to turn my cell phone on. I had to use my sister’s credit card, which she had inadvertently left with me.
I was so embarrassed by my out of control and irresponsible behavior regarding money that I wrote about my shame publically in my first blog and vowed to do something about it. In 2015 I had $2,310 in overdraft fees. The prior year I had $154 of overdraft fees. This year $77. Not perfect, but certainly in the right direction.
Also, last year right after I began the blog my father died. His death marked the end of my hope that my father would have apologized for his illicit, immoral, damaging sexual abuse towards me. He died without ever being able to say my name. In retropect, I did not give him the chance to say he was sorry because I stayed away from him the entire two years that he had been living in a nursing home. I visited him once on Mother’s day in 2015. He had had a stroke that left him unable to speak. This was exactly what happened to his mother, my grandmother. The next time I saw my father he was unconscious and on life support. I stood with my four siblings and my mother and aunt while we watched him officially die and pronounced dead.
The funeral and its preparations brought out the worst in some of my family members. Powerful emotions were in play towards this man who had hurt so many. During the days leading up to the funeral, I refused to participate in any planning of my father’s funeral. I did not care about him in life I did not care about him in death. I left what ever had to be done to those who felt that he had not harmed them or those who felt duty bound. I did not.
Not only did I not want to participate in his funeral arrangements, I wasn’t sure I wanted to attend his funeral.
It was only on the morning of the funeral did I decide to go. I remain grateful for my friend Jeffrey who drove me to the funeral services and left me in the gentle caring hands of my older sister, Beverly.
A gracious thank to my sister, Beverly, and her husband who shared their anniversary dinner with me on the evening of my father’s funeral. It was our way of ending a sad and bitter history.
My 59th year would be highlighted with many firsts and growth opportunities:
1. a proof version of my book, Cracked.
2. A health scare that led to a permanent diet change.
3. A fledging legal practice in Baltimore
4. New friends and deepening of friendships.
5. A greater sense of independence
6. Financial stability and responsibility.
7. Speaking engagements.
8. The beginning of my new book, Twisted.
9. My trip to Italy with six other women.
It has been a great year. In the next week I will be reformatting my life and this blog. How the blog will change will be a process of collaboration with friends and paid collaborators. My intent is to create a blog which educates and entertains. Stay tuned.
I close with love and good vibrations and growth to all,
Brianna S. Clark
The Addict Writes