Years ago while in rehab, I noticed that most of the inpatients did not look like Halle Berry in Jungle Fever. In fact, I was one of the few black people in rehab. (“Most of yall go to jail”, said the pasty intake person.)
No, I’ve not gone to jail, prostitute myself for drugs,but I am an addict. Recently, the folks who create the criteria for what constitutes addiction removed the criteria of “trouble” with the law. I guess they realized that some of us addicts have quietly managed to escape brushes with the law. There are addicts whose lives seem perfectly in order as they drink a beer to start the day or fall asleep drunk in front of the television or quietly give themselves a “bump” either up or down. The pill to wake up… You get my drift.
But here’s an example of my addiction: Nothing went the way it usually does. No train to catch, no work today and immediately I think of consuming large quantities of caffeine and sugary pastries. And maybe after that I should get my nails done, after all its been almost been a month since I’ve had them done. Never mind the turn off notice for the electricity or the unpaid car insurance. Yes folks, I am an addict.
However, because of you, and because after 20 years I can manage my impulsive affictive behavior. Instead I bought a cup of coffee and sat down and wrote this blog for us. So, no I didn’t think of calling a dealer and the sugar would have only made me sick and feel bad- not kill me. Its a struggle- not the same as when I wanted to have a glass or bottle of Chardonnay or a hit of crack- but its a daily little struggle.
The Addict Writes